Monday , May 17 2021

Divorce is not a solution – Bulawayo24 News



BRAK is an interesting union, two counterparts who are not related to coming to live together, gathered with love and this time is not agape, but a "phileo" kind of love, gentle and develops a stronger bond of friendship, leading to enjoyment in society even romances.

In marriage, people connect with love, and they are expected to remain in love, happy, smiling and laughing at all times, but expectations and not reality. Only in fairy tales we find happy ever after marriage.

If someone gets married expecting an ideal, it will be a great surprise and shock to their life. There is no ideal in marriage. There are no perfect couples because no human being is perfect. So there is no perfect marriage. Every marriage you see; the parties in it work daily to make sure the environment is untouched and that effort is needed, not a miracle.

In marriage, we have two people coming from different backgrounds and have to learn each other. It then becomes like a school set that then requires devotion and conscious decision and attitude towards your partner's learning, keeping notes and recording reactions and triggers, and so on.

The first year of getting married seems to be the most profitable for each couple. This is because there are many excitement, pressure to perform, high expectations, and ignorance of how things are being run. All of these attitudes are mixed and you can imagine a recipe! Most of these struggles and major problems of the future arise in those early moments because people will not take their time to learn each other, but only react to the actions of others.

Imagine your wife, married her when she was 23 years old. That means she was 23 years old as a person who is acceptable in the expectation and mode of work of her family. Everything she knows until her marriage is what she had accumulated as she grew up within those 23 years and you were not here to contribute to this process.

That means that when you start getting surprises in the way it works, it's not her fault. You bet on her, you automatically volunteered to help her become the person you want. Expecting her to know what you want as a husband suddenly, it would be so stupid, she is not a miracle unless you're a miracle teacher.

Marriage then becomes a place where a husband should be able to teach his wife what she is expecting, and a woman should do the same thing, which does not happen overnight, but if it is a process. Some couples even resist the learning time so some marriages do not last. Even the richest people on the planet are divorced on a daily basis, and the last is the founder of the Amazon; the richest man in the world, Mr Jeff Bezos and his wife.

I saw a young man who raised a single mother as the only child. A lucky mother had a good job and could afford to send it to a good school. Most of this boy's life was boarding school and university level. He would just be at home with his mother during some holidays. The boy grew up in a young man, but still in the age of 31 there are features of a spoiled child in it. His mother loved him and did almost everything for him.

The problem has now emerged because he just married two years ago and now he has to be a man at home, but he does not know anything about being a man. The woman now regrets almost everything, for example, can not even return the bulb, let alone know if her car is in service. At work, the same problems are faced with his colleagues. He throws garbage everywhere.

There are many questions about his character and he does not advise anyone because he is not accustomed to him so you can imagine what his wife is going through. The woman now has to gather all the facts and realize that her husband has grown up to patiently prescribe the appropriate help for him. It will not be an easy task, but if marriage is needed to survive.

He may have to take him to sports, go out with his friends as couples and often have an older relative or a family friend to influence the change of character.

There is no marriage tracking manual because what one survives one marriage may not work for the second marriage because people are different. What most people parade for you to see is not real. They marinate their pain, their failures and problems and decorate their problems to see them as the perfect couple.

Marriage is about two people; and only you two have to solve it. Much happens in the marriages we will have to discuss on this forum, for example, we hear stories about people who have married in love, and now they are cheating each other, physically and verbally abused, and cases are reported for marital murder, the newspaper is full of such stories and we will be deeper into discussing the different circumstances of marriages.

Always remember, your partner did not grow up with you. They do not know you and you do not know them. Learn them and accept them, one day it will be fine. Divorce is not a solution.

Week's Weekly: What a single marriage survives may not work for your marriage, people are different.

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