To get the mentality of a winner, you have to stop worrying about what others think. You must feel comfortable in your own head.
So many people make important life decisions based on other people's opinions. You care a lot about what your mother, father, brother or friend thinks you are allowing them to dictate your actions in life.
At the center of it all, the barriers that so many people do not have really on "money" or "time". They concern opinions.
It's the main reason why so many people are unhappy now. Because they evaluate someone else's opinion more than their own.
Once this is overcome, life can become really good.
Here's how you can keep silent in your head:
Give feedback to the context of others
The best way to get feedback is to understand where feedback comes from.
What is the agenda behind the feedback? What is intent?
For example, so many parents tell their children which direction they should follow in their lives. But parents also have an agenda. Many parents are insecure and use their children's success to justify theirs own self esteem.
So they tell Ricky to go to Princeton because they I want to boast about it – not because it's the best move for their child.
And it goes wider than just parents.
The truth is that nobody has a 100% context on your life outside of you. The reason why I do not appreciate the opinion of my wife or mother more than mine is because they do not know 100% of everything.
I have empathy for their opinions because I understand how they could arrive at their conclusions in a limited context.
But I do not take these opinions at heart.
Regret is the biggest poison of all time
When I was younger, I would go to the elders and talk to them. I would ask them to tell me about their life. And their opening line was, "I wish."
Each of them – in parks, in bars, in airports – all started with what they did desire they did differently.
They wanted them to work harder. They would have liked to spend more time with their family. They wished they would not listen to their mother and do what they wanted to do.
Spend a day volunteering in an old people's home and you'll see it alone.
It's so devastating to me that your life choices are dictated by the opinions of people you do not care when you're 92.
Do not judge yourself
Sometimes people tell me that the negative voice in their head is not someone else's – it's theirs.
But the truth is that someone else has put that negative voice there.
Your mom, dad, aunt, uncle is negative towards you and comes to mind – until you think the negative voice is yours.
So many people consider themselves "poor performance" even if they are in normal positions.
The 21-year-old judge for themselves for not having "understood" their lives, even if virtually no 21 year old knows what they still want to do. Parents judge themselves on how they are raising their children. Entrepreneurs judge themselves on how they manage their business.
Be your biggest fan, instead of criticizing your every move.
Surround yourself with people who are optimistic
The only way I know to build trust is by surrounding yourself with people who are optimistic.
With whom you meet a big deal and most people do not take it seriously.
This is what happens in every team: traits like trust and hunger are transmitted, just like negativity and pessimism. That's why a great player can ruin a team if she or he is not a good person.
Surrounding me with winners brought an incredible ROI for me.
I forced myself to go to SXSW in 2007 and go out with ambitious children who dreamed of changing the world. It brought me incredible opportunities and friendships. I started meeting people like Mark Zuckerberg, Ev Williams, Chris Sacca and Travis Kalanik.
I also see it with my team. It's amazing how much they are more confident, faster and smarter after wandering around me.
But I understood. Cutting negative people is difficult. Especially if it's your mother or your father or a friend with whom you've been around since the 4th year.
If your mom is bringing you down, talk to her less. If you're a friend of your old neighborhood, go out with him for 3 hours a week instead of 7.
If you can not cut people, spend less time with them.
You'd be amazed at how your life changes.
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