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Patriots Demise Syndrome, the symptoms and how to cope



Patriots are 1-2. A bad 1-2. We did not even collect the watches. And it's over. It's all over. They have all disappeared.

You are angry.

Bill the GM eventually killed Bill the trainer. The selfish Brady and the stupid Gronk have ruined everything with their self-discovery offseason. Also, if Robert Kraft was worried about his team just as much as he worried about Meek Mill and entering the Hall of Fame, this would not have happened. Bill should have played Butler, paid Dola, kept Cook, all cut by Rutgers, never kicked Alex by the margins, he never allowed Alex in the structure, he drafted a linebacker, held Jimmy (scratch that …), got more for Jimmy and never exchanged Chandler, Jamie or Logan. All these thoughts swirl in your mind. It's a mental tornado and the eye of your mind sees the faces of Nate Solder and Dion Lewis in the dirty swirl like helpless cows lifted from the ground.

You are sad.

These are your boys. This is your team. Ride or die. You firmly believe that they hate us because they are not us, you do not take days off, you have bright pink tattooed stripes around your biceps (sup, Ernie … respect). Above all, you're sad because you also have tickets to the Titans game in Nashville in November. You did not see the time and now you could not go because you want to spend $ 1,500 to see a shit team get screwed by Mike Vrabel and Marcus Mariota?

THE HARD TRUTHS OF TOM E. CURRAN

You are scared and confused.

How do you follow an NFL team that can win or not every week? Do people really do it? They live with uncertainty if their team will score more or less than their opponents EVERY. Frickin. WEEK?! You knew that this day would arrive. Now it's here. And you're not ready.

You are experiencing Patriots Demise Syndrome (PDS).

If you were born before 2003, you may have already experienced some of these symptoms earlier. Those born before 1987 will feel the symptoms more acute. Anyone born before 1970 is particularly susceptible to PDS and may remember similar secondary episodes in 2002, 2005, 2006, 2008. The extremely serious 2009 pandemic (Adalius Thomas Strain) has wiped out the interest of many fans in the Patriots. Fortunately, they all recovered by November 2010, but studies conducted after the loss of the 2010 playoffs at the Jets showed that once a person's PDS is diagnosed, the recurrence threshold is reduced.

Symptoms can be fleeting. A wave of PDS invaded the New England region on February 5, 2017, around 8:20 pm. At 10:30, zero cases were reported.

If you have PDS, you may experience irritability, listlessness and the desire to hit the face of that donkey directly with which you work. The one who grew up in Belchertown or in a place where you would not go if someone tried to force you to make a gun? Right. Fans of the dolphins, somehow. I had many things to say this week, including "Skirt kick someaassssss cheatriot on Sunday …"

PDS sufferers sometimes resort to mild self-harm. Example? Listening to the radio between 2 am and midnight. and 18:00 or finding you "wondering what they think Tanguay and Adam Jones", then trying to find out even if I told you that today was nothing but podcast while you were driving. A PDS patient may experience shortness of breath, pain in the jaw and pain / spasms in the fingers and forearms in the immediate aftermath of this type of exposure. You may need a friend or family member to leverage your fingers from the steering wheel. ASK FOR HELP!

Here are some "best practices" and / or things to remember if you suffer from PDS.

STRIKE OUT WITH VENGEANCE
Whether it's friends or acquaintances in texts, e-mail chains or on Twitter and Facebook, if you go to Krakatoa when someone pollutes your laptop or mobile device with some silly observation like: "They should have swapped Brady's hairy ass … "you will be marked as someone not to joke and can expect to be removed from further communications. You can apologize later. Or not. If they are so idiots, why do you want to go "How are you?!?!?!" In the future?

DO NOT SAY "YOU LIKE DIFFERENT …"
Because obviously it does. It's different because you do not know how things will turn out, just as you did not know how things would turn out after the patriots lost to Kansas City in prime time in the fourth week of the 2014 season or after having looked like something in the rain against the Jets in 2013 or were at a disadvantage of 21-3 in the first half of the Super Bowl or down 24-14 in the fourth quarter of another Super Bowl, or after the mortar or anything else. Your PDS was just as sharp then, little liar.

"STAY TRANQUILLY" … but it seems different … "
Because it really is. Not competitive in the back-to-back weeks? A week is against a great defense and a Grade C attack (Jacksonville), the next is against a moderately better team that has given a bigger effort even though the previous week was so lazy as it was? It's different And so is a locker room in which a player (Gronk) proudly confirms that, "Yes, I have refused an offseason profession threatening to retire …" without fear of … well, fear of nothing. Last summer, Bill Belichick tried to beat his players with increasing punishment. From taking Brady's coach to Malcolm Butler's bench in the Super Bowl, trying to trade Gronk have all kinds of backfired. Make sure your brain refrains from using the phrase "Bill lost the locker room !!!!!!" The locker room is in the same place it has always been. The excavation for the team is different because they are worse than they were from the point of view of talent; the buy-in of the players is different because there is an unprecedented pushback against Bill Belichick of his best players.

LEAVE SONY MICHEL ONLY
Did you do it? Second game of his career? So he dropped a couple of steps. He runs strong, gets his square shoulders, does not go down to the first contact, knows what the hell he's doing in the pass of protection. If you want to compare it with Laurence Maroney, go ahead. It just marks you like someone who does not know what he's looking at.

PLANT MOMS
In this time of year, the bright colors that surround your home (or even in your room or apartment) can really brighten up your mood.

REMEMBER, THE SKY DOES NOT FALL
But it is raining butcher knives. Anything could happen. You're loose. Josh Gordon could go for eight holds and 241 yards on Sunday. He could be found shirtless in the Foxboro PD parking lot. Julian Edelman will return from his suspension of four games next week. It could fix everything! Or, it may seem like a boy who has never played in a real game since the Patriots beat the Falcons in the Super Bowl. The performance of Dont & # 39; at Hightower was aberrant and will return to be Dont at Hightower. Or, it's no longer Dont at Hightower. Belichick will hit exactly the right chord with his players this week in practice and you will see 53 players row in unison. Or it's war and some donkeys are put on the bench and / or sent out of town.

PDS. Remember, it's never as bad as you think. Unless this time … it really is.

BOSTON CALENDAR NBC SPORT


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