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United States – How to ask parents to respect my privacy



Confidence is almost impossible to regain, regardless of your age.

Also, it is not clear what you did to violate that trust, you were surprised to hack? Browsing in porn? Download apps and games (maybe specific) after you've been told not to do it? Even if it is not relevant to the "question and answer", what has been done affects the freedom you might be able to negotiate.

For example, if you have been discovered to hack your parents' bank information it is unlikely that there is a conversation you can have with your parents to convince them to give you your space.

However, if the crime was "I was surprised to browse porn", then it is ideal to have a one-off adult conversation with your mother or father, whatever the easiest way to talk, how you understand the danger of what you did (as parents are responsible for your actions, their complacency can be misinterpreted as negligence by the law – and this has serious implications for your parents, you and your siblings – for parents this can be very scary, and their children do not they really do understand half of this until they also become their parents).

What am I saying? It is not enough to recognize your mistake. This is a great manual tip, but that's what it is really it is necessary that you recognize the ramifications of your actions (and in doing so, you also recognize that your actions have been a mistake without having to say the same.) This will show your parents that you have developed a point that, perhaps, you can trust to make good decisions going forward. That's why "Mom, Dad, I'm sorry I did that one thing: I know it was not right, and I know I do not do it now, and I'll never do anything like that again." an insufficient justification – as a parent this comes out as a begging, a punishment, perhaps even penitence … but it is not a sign of maturity, it is the exact opposite (to an educated parent, anyway) and only serves to dissuade them.

Without cause / effect recognition it is very difficult for a parent to trust where trust has been violated once before, since the violation shows that you are willing to make a wrong decision (regardless of the circumstances, the violation applies cleanly to ALL the doubts.) This is what you are dealing with now, and the breaking of trust is not something that anyone forgets, ever. Time and trust are not really related as we might think. Think of trust as an absolute: it is today what it was 2 years ago and what will be in 2 years.

Consider that the prefrontal cortex is the part of the human brain responsible for the rationalization of good and evil, it is the part of the brain responsible for the rationalization of cause and effect. This part of the brain begins development for 5-8 years and continues development up to 22-25 years (I think academic studies put the 7-21 range?) Parents who read this can confirm that until this development i children begin to be very malleable and compliant, if you tell them that something is right or wrong they take that knowledge at face value, and this kind of interaction directs the actions of a child before they are able to figure out for themselves what to do or why. As such, your parents learn your personality a long time before doing it as part of raising you up, answering your questions and dictating your behavior. They have an idea of ​​how you've been thinking for 2-3 years and they're seeing mental development going on for the rest of your life.

This is also the reason why we make the mistakes we make as children. This is why our parents are held legally responsible for our actions. It's what you're fighting with, whether you understand it or not.

So with that knowledge, to go back:

You must have a mature conversation to make clear that you understand the ramification of your actions. This will hold more weight with your parents than anything else you can say or do.

Furthermore:

This conversation should NOT be attached to your request for freedom / privacy / property. DO NOT MIX THESE CONVERSATIONS. Diamine, distance them for about two weeks to get the maximum effect. Do not do it in this way diminishes the credibility of your recognition, but makes it considered as a simple "bargaining" (ex. not "recognition.")

Also consider that if this type of introspection was not possible before reading these answers, then it is quite possible that you are not ready for this conversation (yet), and your attempt will instead be considered as an attempt at negotiation / manipulation and non-recognition / understanding of your actions. (or in another way, consider that a conversation about one's rational abilities and maturity is a battle of cunning, yours against them, and you could still fail even if you prepared a bulletproof argument).


All the rest apart, I was a child "passionate about technology and savant" at the age of 6 (mmhmm, my poor parents, lulz) and while I did not enumerate all the "mistakes" I made when I remember my parents have confiscated technology, shut down the phone, cancel credit cards, limit the hours when I could be out, restricted with whom I could join, etc. As a result they kept me straight and tight – not for limitation, but forcing me to be extremely careful with my actions until I could make the ramifications of those actions. I, of course, did not see it this way until my mid-20s (yes, the prefrontal know-how right here) and so in the end nothing stopped me .. I used computers some friends, I took my laptop and kept a friend of mine at home, I learned to speak publicly, at one point I even installed a phone line without them knowing it (later added to the top of the list of the "worst ideas ever" on the day the mail / bill of the .ops line arrived!)

The hard part for me as a teenager was that not having a phone meant that I could not talk to my girlfriend (s). In the end I had them re-on the phone after talking to my mother about this, but the compromise was that she had to keep the phone up unless I had the pre-approved permission to make a call, and even then she would listen to make sure I was not using the phrase for "other things". For me it was embarrassing, but I got used to it and after a while it stopped spying on my calls, gave me a little bit of it. of space, and in the end my parents learned to trust my ability to make good decisions (even though my father continues to look at me skeptical when I touch one of his computers, and I'm over 40 now.)

Confidence is almost impossible to regain, regardless of your age.

HTH, good luck. Parents always want the best for their children and messed up as it seems; this is how they show it.


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